* * * * * *    B O D Y   B U L L E T I N   * * * * * *

    The latest corpse count brings you all the blood, bodies, and
bullets you've come to expect from the friendly folks in the Killer
regime.  Alas, not every death has a scarlet lining; a few mundanus
mortus must be discussed before we reach proof that a picture is
worth a thousand words.
    And so, with a firmly ingrained penchant for the macabre, your
kindly scribe brings you

                            MUNDANUS MORTUS

Mark Rafn...     was decimated at gunpoint, and died from blood loss
                 while passers-by stopped to show their kids

Doug Ferry...    sacrificed himself to Athena

Peggy Hammon...  went out in an embrace of stainless steel

Eric Sharf...    took a fatal overdose of homocide

Kelly Redeker... downed the rest of the bottle

Tim Tozer...     caught a glimpse of the smoking barrel before a milky
                 haze filled the room

Peter Kafka...   was euthanized by a passing priest

Your Friendly Scribe... can still be seen stalking the school grounds
                 with a corkscrew in the stomach and right shoulder

    The time has come to tell the tale --

                       aBnORMAL aSSASSINATIONS

Bob Thorn...     posed a problem for the night janitor (sources
                 reported the discovery of various bodily fragments
                 thought to be necessary for the continuation of
                 normal bodily functions, namely life, scattered
                 throughout the school cafeteria).

Kevin Bruce and Ron Engstrom...  underwent an ordeal most readily
                 conveyed via formula:  Kevin Bruce + Ron engstrom +
                 razor blades + Future Maniac + garbage can ---> one
                 very odd-shaped trash bag.

Jason Osgood...  disappeared.  By piecing together various bits of
                 evidence, including large quantities of blood smeard
                 on a restroom floor and a red-tainted toilet bowl,
                 the puzzle is solved:  Jason was a victim of the old
                 mince 'em and flush 'em disposal technique.

Next month: Body Bulletin goes video                       -- Sardaeum